I feel like a completely different person.
Well… maybe not completely different, but a vast improvement from the hole I felt like I was in when I last wrote.
All it took was a shake up to our routine, a bit of a cry, some scheduled ‘Mummy and Aurora time’, and some priceless advice from a wonderful friend.
Bedtimes were getting even more ridiculous as the days were going on, all the way up until Monday. The nights I was tackling it alone were awful. Friday night my mum was here, so it was a little easier, and Aurora settled a little quicker. The nights when Luke was here were the most outrageous.
In fairness Sunday was his birthday, and Father’s Day. We had a BBQ party here for all his friends and our families. Our friends Tyler and Sam stayed over, so I do understand that that can be a little more exciting than normal. Especially as they were in the garden while we were putting the girls to bed, so Aurora was up at her window talking to them.
I haven’t got the energy to go into the details, and also have been feeling as though sometimes writing about events after they have occurred is having a detrimental effect on my mood. I feel as though I live through it, deal with it, get over it, and then re-live it when I write on here. I’m feeling positive, so I am not going to move backwards.
Tuesday is when the switch was flipped. I scheduled in some specific ‘Mummy and Aurora time’ and had told Aurora about it the day before. We were both looking forward to it. Luke took Luna shopping with him and made sure they stayed out for about 1.5 hours, so we could have a good portion of time.
I had planned an activity to start with. We made a ‘Bedtime Chart’, my wonderful friend Lily had recommended it the day before, and it sounded like the perfect solution. No ‘rewards’ as such, as I don’t really want to get in to those. But the pure excitement of simply closing a tab when the task is done, is enough for us both.
We wrote a list together, of everything she needs to do at bedtime, starting off with ‘Go upstairs’. Oh my. I know we have only been doing this for 2 days so far, but she has more or less been running up the stairs, so that she can close that first tab! What a result!
I included 10 minutes of play before getting in the bath, as that seemed to be another pinch point for her.
I’m just trying to tap into her a little more than I had been.
It is hard to do that, when your own head is fogged up for an endless amount of reasons. But so far, so good. Not only has bath time been easy and not as stressful, she has fallen asleep over an hour earlier than she had been every night leading up to using it.
The other huge help is that Luke came home today, just after dinner, to help with bath and bedtime, before returning to work for this evening’s service. Game changer. He is hopefully going to try and do this twice a week from now on. So that, along with the 3 nights he is already home, and the one night my mum will be here most weeks, after having the girls while I work, I should only have to tackle one, maybe two evenings a week on my own. That feels a lot more manageable than four nights a week!
As well as the Bedtime Chart making, Aurora and I also had a lovely time playing cards and giggling together before Luke and Luna returned home. Even if we don’t necessarily get this time EVERY week, even every two weeks will be incredible. I thought I may take her out for a coffee shop visit, or maybe even lunch just the two of us one time. I think it is going to make a really positive change. All the things that seemed normal, and we took for granted, before Luna arrived. I’m obviously not blaming Luna at all, but I don’t often brave doing those sorts of things on my own with both girls, because I’m not insane. But even if I did, that’s still not one-on-one time, that we are both craving.
After we had finished making the chart, I asked her to hold it up so I could take a photo to show Lily, and her little smile made me melt. She often pulls funny faces, or gives me her best ‘Chandler Bing’ smile, so when she cracks out a huge genuine smile, it really does get me. I already felt a little choked by it, and then out of the blue she said, ‘I love you Mummy’. Wow. I had to silently show her the photo so that she wouldn’t realise that I had tears in my eyes. I swear these children know exactly what you need when you need it. They don’t always give it to you!! But when they do. It was the confirmation I needed to prove that I’m doing ok. All my friends and family can say it as much as they want, and I obviously do appreciate it, but it doesn’t convince me.
I’m very much the type of person that can be given 99 compliments and 1 criticism, and I will only hear the criticism. This felt like the motherhood equivalent.
After weeks of busy plans, holiday, friends and family visits, late nights and non-existent evenings because of Aurora’s bedtime theatrics, and birthday/party preparations, I’m going to keep this short and sweet, and enjoy what is left of my evening.
A glass of wine, some trash on TV, and maybe even an early night.
Cheers!
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