As January draws to a close, one half of me cannot wait for the weather to start getting a bit warmer. I feel like I’m constantly cold and am dreaming of the spring and summer days, afternoons spent in the sun, playdates in the garden, and not having to add jumpers and coats to every outfit I put on. Yet the other half of me is DESPERATE to go skiing, watching way too many Instagram reels of other people’s trips, living vicariously through friends and family that have been this winter, and if I get so much as a whiff of someone talking about it, I’m jumping on that conversation faster than humanly possible. I don’t know why you don’t feel as cold when you’re skiing, even though the temperatures are so much lower!? Maybe simply because it is expected, or the higher levels of Mulled Wine in your system, or just that you are appropriately dressed for it. I might start wearing my ski jacket and salopettes on the Pre School run.
I have read so many baby/parenting books, especially in the ‘Gentle Parenting’ area. I can completely understand all of it, from a psychology point of view. How toddlers, especially, can’t think rationally and how we should calmly talk to them, down on their level, when they are having the mother of all meltdowns.
I honestly think I do OK at carrying it out, most of the time. But HOW are you meant to parent like this 100% of the time?
How are you meant to keep your temper at bay when they really can be so infuriating?
How do you calmly tell them not to kick their sister in the head or throw their wooden toys across the room?
Genuinely asking for advice here!!
I understand that they act before thinking.
I get that they use OUR reaction to gauge how they should feel about their own actions.
I know that they react purely with their emotions as they can’t think rationally yet, something that apparently doesn’t completely mature until they are almost 30!!
I heard that if you have big reactions to the small things, then they are less likely to confide in you when it comes to the big things.
But in controlling your natural, emotional reaction, to make sure we don’t damage them – and allow them to understand their emotions as they get older – are we not numbing our own?! Are we not acting in the exact way that we are trying to teach them not to?! Are we just ignoring our own feelings and pretending to have a different character? As much as I hope and pray that the girls take on Luke’s laid-back nature and not my temper, I also hope they grow up being able to be themselves. I hope they can react in a big way if and when they need to. I hope that seeing me get frustrated in a situation makes me seem human to them. At the same time, I really am trying my absolute best to think before I react, take a moment before I tell Aurora off for something when she literally doesn’t know any better.
I’m trying to take a second and think more like a three-year-old. Today eating breakfast, she flipped her crumb filled plate upside down, and usually I would chime straight in with “Don’t do that”. But after she told me yesterday that while I was at work, her and her Daddy were pretending to be me, and when I asked, “What does Mummy say?” She pointed her finger and said, “Don’t do this, don’t do that”. I laughed but it did upset me. Even if it was Daddy that had started it… Anyway, so I refrained from saying it, and watched instead, and after turning the plate over, she said, “Look Mummy, I made you a sandcastle” and pulled the plate off. There was no castle, obviously, just a table full of crumbs, but she wasn’t making the mess to be ‘naughty’ or ‘malicious’, she was making me a ‘present’, she was exploring, and I need to appreciate that a little more. She really is the funniest, loveliest, most wonderful girl and when I take a step backwards and view her from outside the eye of the storm, it is a lot easier to appreciate. So, this is where I’ll be from now on, admiring her and enjoying more of the chaotic moments.
I don’t want the girls to ever look back at their childhoods and remember a stressed Mummy who was always saying “Don’t do that”, “Stop that”, “No, no, no”, I want them to be able to explore their boundaries, to remember the laughter, the cuddles, the kisses, the “I love you’s”, the time spent with our loved ones and all the other wonderful things in between.
Luna’s sleep had been getting a little ridiculous recently and without her seeming to have any obvious teeth coming, and not being poorly, she was still waking 4 or so times a night, so I decided I needed to act sooner rather than later. Aurora was like this at this age and got progressively worse as she got closer to one year old, waking 5 or 6 times a night and sometimes for 3 hours at a time. I want to avoid that happening a second time if I can. With Aurora the Health Visitor gave me some advice at her 1-year check and it took about 5 weeks, but it worked. I do not want to attempt the ’cry it out’ method as it doesn’t sit well in my soul. But it is obvious that Luna is not that hungry when she wakes, as she will feed for approximately 4 minutes before being asleep again. So, I have started to feed her earlier, while reading Aurora and her a bedtime story, and then putting her in her cot awake. I then stay with her rubbing her back and comforting her until she falls asleep. If she stands, I lay her back down. With the idea that she will become more and more comfortable being put in her cot, so I will need to comfort her less and less, before I can put her in her cot, say goodnight, and leave the room. It feels so unreachable right now, only 4 days in, but it really did work with Aurora, and it was such a game changer. Luna is a better sleeper in general, than Aurora was, so hopefully, if we can crack this, she will be a dream. Already since starting, she has only woken twice each night. I’m still feeding her when she does, because even if she is just using me as a comfort, I’m not going to deprive her of that, I’m her Mummy and that is literally what I’m here for, after all. It feels positively indulgent to even imagine a full night of uninterrupted sleep... but I am ready for it!
Reading this back, I have realised that I have made it sound like I am an angry monster who doesn’t appreciate any of the good times and is only ever stressed. That is not the case at all, and I always make such an effort to see the positive in all situations. I would like to think that my friends and family can rely on me to cheer them up and make their day better, if they ever need it. I feel like this blog is a really good way of me unloading the honest thoughts and feelings I have, that I don’t always express out loud. To let it all tumble out, in front of anyone who wants to read it, and even if no one does, it really does feel therapeutic writing it down. I have always said that I would love to go to therapy, I am so interested in uncovering parts of my personality and understanding why I react in certain ways to particular situations, so for now, this is my free version of that. I may not necessarily get any answers but potentially in blurting it all out, it could help me understand it all.
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