Until this week, I had never fully appreciated the power of ‘Me-Time’. I have been advised to make time for it, and read that it is important, but it is easy to put yourself at the bottom of the priority list.
Now I do feel as though I have gone from one extreme to the other, but the opportunities arose, and I took them!
Firstly, on Thursday, my mum came down a night early, so that Luke and I could go to The Clockspire (his restaurant) for dinner. It was incredible. They had live jazz playing that night, we enjoyed drinks and canapes in the bar to begin with, before making our way down to the restaurant, to be spoilt and indulged at the highest level. It was wonderful to be able to enjoy all his hard work, with him.
The girls had been asleep when we left and were still asleep when we returned home – which doesn’t sound like much, but it is such a relief to know that my mum has then had a peaceful evening as well.
I worked all day Friday, while my mum had the girls, and she had then suggested that she could take Aurora back with her to Newbury, as I was coming up on Sunday – so they could have the weekend together and I could have some time with Luna. It all sounded lovely, and although it meant her travelling back at bedtime, Aurora was excited and didn’t seem to mind the change in routine.
We did bath time as usual, then packed Aurora’s bag, and once in her pyjamas, she trotted off to my mum’s car. I immediately had a lump in my throat and felt emotional to watch my ‘not-so-little’ girl, happily going to Grandma’s for two nights without me. I held back the tears as Luna and I waved them off, and then let a few tumble down my cheeks. Why am I feeling emotional? I always feel as though I need time away from her, but within less than a second, I miss her terribly.
Luna took so long to go down that evening, and I’m sure it was because she missed her too and knew that something was different. She was more unsettled throughout the night as well.
Saturday, we had the entire day, just the two of us. I hadn’t made any plans, plus the weather was awful, so we just had a quiet one. Luna took so long to go down for a nap, and really resisted it, for a long time. She seemed unhappy, and as though nothing I could do was good enough. It was a real drain when I had thought that it would be sunshine and rainbows, as it was only us two. But once she had woken from her nap, her mood had shifted, and she was back to her happy self again. We ran some errands, and played with lots of toys, and generally enjoyed each other’s company. The pace of the afternoon seemed to really slow down, compared to normal, and it was refreshing to appreciate the little moments. She has really come along with her communication the past week or two, and I love being able to understand her a little more. She can follow simple directions well, and enjoys making animal noises, and pointing out certain parts of her body when instructed.
I thoroughly enjoyed having the time to soak her in. It is so easy to overlook your second child a little, as the older one usually demands so much more of your attention, without even meaning to.
Also, you will never appreciate how easy it is to look after one child, until you have had more, but my god, it was a piece of cake!
We had a lovely dinner, bath time was a breeze, and she was a little easier to get to sleep that night.
I couldn’t help thinking to myself, that I can totally see why you get to the 12–18-month stage with your baby, and suddenly feel tempted to have another one! It was when Aurora got to this age, that we were trying to conceive again. They seem so perfect. The sleep has sorted itself out, so you forget how bad it was. The tantrums have not yet started, so they are delightful. They’re suddenly doing, and saying more, so they seem more grown up, and not your little baby anymore. If I didn’t have so many moments of ‘Oh my god, this is so hard’, I would easily be tempted to have a third. The baby stage is the best. The newborn smell. The constant sleeping. The teeny, tiny clothes. The little fingers. The love.
But I shall not be fooled. Two is a good number – I have two hands, therefore can hopefully keep some form of control. Introducing a third would be carnage, I am sure!
I don’t know if it is the 12–18-month stage, the fact that I’ve just finished breast feeding, and therefore my hormones are probably a bit unsettled, or if it is a legitimately primal feeling, of wanting and needing to procreate, but I felt it in my bones.
Sunday morning, we got ourselves ready before heading to Newbury to see my family. It was so lovely to see Aurora after about 40 hours. She had had a lovely time with her Grandma, they had made lots of crafts, played in the garden (when there had been breaks in the rain), been to the park, walked the dog, and completed puzzles. It was then so nice to have both my brothers and their families there for lunch, watching our next generation forming bonds and playing together. I’m already visualising in ten or so years’ time, when we have a full tribe, all causing mischief.
Both girls slept on the drive back to Somerset, which was inevitable, but did make bedtime pretty crazy. Luckily Luke was then home to help, and we could tackle one each! Luna finally dropped off around 9pm, and Aurora didn’t fall asleep until 10.00! We eventually collapsed on to the sofa, sleepily shoved some food into our faces, and both fell asleep in front of the TV.
I worked on Monday, so Luke had the girls. I think he is finding it a lot to deal with, during Summer Holidays, now that Aurora doesn’t have Pre School in the afternoon. Both weeks so far, he has brought them in to see me at work and has looked like a broken man. I can’t help but feel a little pleased though. It’s a real insight to what I have the 5 days he is at work (and to be fair, the one day we are all together!) I think it has given him a level of understanding, and I think he appreciates it all a little more. He understands that you can’t carry out simple tasks, with them both there.
Tuesday, we had a lovely family day together. We popped into town as we needed to post a parcel, and then had a look at some books in WH Smiths, while we were there. I think books are definitely our guilty pleasure. We are always getting new ones; Luke is actually even more addicted to buying them than I am! The other day, I was curious to see how many we had, so quickly totted them up and I’m embarrassed to say that we have over 300… Yet I still get a little tired of reading the same ones over and over! That does include full collections of Mr Men, Little Miss, and Peppa Pig books, but still, I really hadn’t realised that we had quite so many. Aurora absolutely loves them though, and Luna is really starting to as well. I can’t see it being a bad thing. Luke and I both loved reading as children, and still have lots of books of our own now. Albeit 99% of Luke’s are recipe books, but I love that we have bookshelves in every room, and they are all full.
I’ve not been keeping much of the girls’ things so far, as clothes and toys have either been passed on to friends and family, sold or given to charity. I have kept some special pieces, like the outfits they came home from hospital in, and their bridesmaid dresses from our wedding. But so far, I haven’t felt too sentimental about much else, so haven’t felt the need to keep hold of anything.
I have mentioned before that I find it cathartic to have a sort out every so often, usually 2-4 times a year. I enjoy the process of going through my belongings, especially clothes, and deciding what still ‘sparks joy’ for me, and what doesn’t. I get that same feeling from going through the girls’ clothes and enjoy the act of passing things on.
I’m sure there will be items that I feel a sentimental connection to, as the years go on, and I will therefore hold on to them, but so far, there hasn’t been much. But in saying that, I feel as though the books may be my vice. I feel almost emotionally attached to them and can’t imagine passing them on. I can see us storing them for decades, to hand back to the girls when they potentially have their own children, and hopefully watch on as they are enjoyed once again.
My mum kept so much from our childhoods, including some books, and it has been so wonderfully nostalgic to now read those same books, or play with those same toys, with my children. I wouldn’t have been able to name many of them, before seeing them, but now that I have, it feels like it has been 2 minutes since it was me playing with the toys and reading the books.
I had wanted to get some of Aurora’s old toys down from the loft as I feel as though Luna has got to a stage where she can tackle slightly more challenging puzzles etc, so we sorted though all the toys in our living room and Aurora’s room, with her telling us if she wanted things to ‘go in the loft’ or ‘not in the loft’. She has definitely inherited my ability to detach any emotional connection to objects. She was very matter of fact, and completely understood that if she changed her mind, we could always get it back out of the loft again. (Well, Luke can, I am not tall enough to get from the top of the ladder, into the loft, which is depressing on many levels, but also means I can currently get out of any loft related work!)
We brought down all the toys from the loft that I had wanted – way more than I had realised…! Aurora basically emptied her entire room of almost all the toys and puzzles that had been in there. Hopefully this means there is even less distraction at bedtime now!
At one point we had everything out on the floor, ready to go up into the loft, and Aurora looked at it and said, ‘Woah, that is a lot of stuff’. I’m glad that she can appreciate that. Because in the grand scheme of ‘how many toys some houses have’, we really don’t have much at all. So, the fact that she thinks we have a lot is nice.
At dinner time Nana arrived, as she was going to watch the girls while Luke and I, once again, went out for dinner! We hadn’t realised that theses two date nights were going to fall so closely together, but it’s just the way it worked out. The girls went to sleep in record time, surprisingly, and off we went. This time we went to a little Italian restaurant in the village that we used to live in when we first moved to Somerset. It was busy with a couple of big parties, and the food and drink were… ok. The service was pretty bad and having The Clockspire so fresh in our minds from 5 nights before, it really made us appreciate the importance of good service. We always knew his restaurant was impeccable, but this was even more proof. Still, it was a lovely evening, and nice to get out again, have adult conversations, enjoy each other’s company, and not worry too much about either of the girls waking up.
Luke’s mum then stayed for the day today, so that I could have some more time to myself. This has been in the diary for weeks, and I had been desperately trying to think about what I could do to fill my time. I could arrange to see my friends, but then they will still have their children there, and would I appreciate the ‘me-time’ more if there were no children at all? I had thought that she could take them out and I could have that time at home, to purely exist without them there, but I would inevitably end up doing housework, or sitting in front of the tele not being at all productive. Then last week, I had a brainwave, and I couldn’t shake it. I was going to go to the cinema, by myself, to watch Barbie. I felt so excited about this concept, not only because I would be alone, but I also cannot remember the last time I went to the cinema. It must be over 5 years; I really have no idea.
So, this morning, after getting the girls up and dressed, I drove into town, and went and got a coffee while I read my book. Absolutely ideal. I then wandered down to the cinema, bought myself a nachos with double cheese dip, and went in to the screen (10 minutes before the adverts were even on – such an eager beaver, and also it is so easy to be punctual when you aren’t shepherding 2 little tear-aways!)
I loved the film, it wasn’t what I had expected, but it was so good. I loved the brutal honesty of how hard it can be to be a woman, and how our world is a lot different for men. It was eye-opening, funny and a little emotional. I didn’t want it to end as I was enjoying it, and my alone time, so much.
I then went a did the food shopping, in peace, before returning home. The girls had had a lovely time with Nana. For the rest of the afternoon, they were little angels. I don’t know what had happened, but I’m completely using my time away from them as the reason. It immediately worked wonders for all three of us. I had tonnes more patience with them, we played so much more, it just felt incredible.
I’m definitely going to try and schedule more moments like this in, whether it’s an afternoon here or there, a dinner date every month or so, or finally getting around to finding a weekly yoga class, it is all so good for me, and therefore good for Luke and the girls too.
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