This week I had a conversation with a male colleague, who I saw for the first time since returning to work after maternity leave. He has four children and I feel as though during our conversation we were singing from the same hymn sheet. Until he uttered one sentence and now, I cannot shake it off.
I feel very lucky in one way that Luke and I are able to cover childcare of Luna without using a nursery. She is either with Luke, or my mum, while I work. Aurora is either at Pre School (now that she has the free hours) or with Luke or my mum. It’s incredible that we have worked this situation out. It does then mean that unfortunately Luke and I get no time together, just one day a fortnight now. Along with a Sunday and Monday evening each week. It’s not ideal, but it is the best we can do, for our family, right now.
Looking at it another way, I think it’s amazing that Luke is getting this solo time with the girls. I know not many dads get that, either they are at work and the mum has the kids, or they are together, and let’s be honest… the mum mainly has the kids! I think it will be so good for Luke and the girls to have this time just them. They really do have the best male role model that I could ever hope for.
Now in telling my male colleague this, and him knowing that Luke is a Head Chef, who of course works incredibly hard and very long hours, he then said, “Poor guy, when does he get a day off?” I laughed and quickly said, “When do I?!” and this guy just didn’t get that. Why is it just expected in our society? The men can go to work, pop to the gym if they fancy, go and get a haircut at a moment’s notice, take up golf, go to the pub to see their friends etc etc. This morning I had to plan whether I could have a wee at home or wait until I got to a friend’s house so they could watch the girls. The balance seems a little off.
I’m incredibly lucky that it is not ‘just expected’ in my marriage, Luke would do anything and everything for us, but I guess the compromise there is that he is at work for 16+ hours each day. I know you can’t have it all, and I would much rather have a partner who does everything they can and WANTS to be there all the time, than one who IS there, but does nothing.
We are manifesting a future where we can spend as much time together as a family as we want. Where we can write our own schedules and live our best lives. Just hoping that it happens sooner rather than later!
One of my New Years Resolutions this year, is to live more like a 3 year old. In one way, 3 year olds are the most outrageously irrational and unpredictable species on the planet. But in another, they really are beautiful. The innocence, the naivety, the genuinely honest answers they give, the wonder, all of it.
It snowed here in Somerset yesterday, and Luna had never seen it before, so she looked a bit baffled by the whole thing, even Aurora has only played in it once, when she was just 1, and the pure excitement on her face was magical. We watched it fall, out the window, for almost 30 minutes. She kept muttering to herself; “I love the snow”. I suggested we went into the garden to play in it and she almost popped with joy. The process of getting coats, scarves, gloves, hats, wellies etc on all 3 people took a hell of a lot longer than the total time spent outside! Which was all of about 6 minutes, before Aurora announced that her hands were cold and that she would like a hot chocolate...! This morning I heard her wake up, had a look on the monitor, but couldn’t see her to begin with before I saw the curtain move and realised that she was looking out the window again. She was there for over 20 minutes before we went in to get her for breakfast. Who knows how long she would have stayed there if we hadn’t. Just staring out at the melting snow – just imagine that that was the most important thing that you had to do today. No stressing about getting somewhere on time or making sure all the beds are made. Not caring about what’s on the news, or the ever-rising cost of living.
So, this is me declaring that I am going to spend less time stressing about the small stuff, and more time looking at the beautiful snow.
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