Our new routine is now well under way. I’ve had my first two days back at work and had such a mix of feelings beforehand. I felt excited to get back, but I also felt anxious. I tried to ignore the anxious feelings until I had got there and walked through the door, as I knew they would disappear as soon as I did that, and I was right. There were new people to get to know, and a few little changes here and there, but as soon as I had my first customer, it all came flooding back. Suddenly it was as if I had just taken a 2-week holiday, not nine months of maternity.
For a few days leading up to my return to work, looking back now, I can see that I was feeling the stress mount. Not necessarily because of the return to work, just the change in our routine. I am such a creature of habit, and feel most comfortable and mentally stable, when everything is in order. So, any change to that always seems to stress me out. I was taking it all out on the girls, mainly Aurora, and she was giving the same back, just a hurricane of emotion.
Now some of the things that wind me up, may be slightly irrational, I will be the first to admit. But, in my defence, it is usually a build up of lots of tiny things that then reach a point of explosion. So, it may seem like I have just exploded because Aurora won’t let me brush her hair, but that is just the straw that broke the camel’s back.
BUT some of the irrational things that Aurora loses her mind over…. Well!
For example,
She wanted to take the lid off her own yogurt.
She wanted to lick the yogurt lid.
She got yogurt on her dressing gown when she was licking the lid.
She forgot to put the compote on the yogurt before she put on the granola.
She dropped her spoon.
She wanted to give some to Luna.
Her slipper fell off.
Her chair was too far away.
She wanted to have Weetabix.
She wanted to pick the spoon.
She wanted to mash it up once the milk was on.
She wanted more milk on it.
She wanted to give some to Luna.
Her hair touched her lip.
She wanted Cheerios
All. Within. Five. Minutes.
Help Me.
Now I am very good at rational thinking – when I’m thinking rationally! But it takes a strong kind of person to be able to deal with all this day in, and day out and still give the ‘Now darling, I can see you’re feeling frustrated’ script. Especially if you also have another child to take care of who could also be losing their mind at the same time, or you’re trying to feed them, or get them down for a nap – I need 3 pairs of hands sometimes for sure.
This week Luna has developed from pulling herself up on all the furniture to now just letting go. So much confidence. Not entirely all the balance that is required to go alongside! But she’s manifesting, and I am all for that! If you believe you don’t need support girl, then who am I to stop you! But also, I now need to be even more vigilant than I already was. With these big steps (almost literally) and her sixth tooth just cutting through, her sleep is a little mental. Most of this week she had been good up until midnight and then woken every hour, but last night we managed to progress to every two hours… so hopefully it continues in that direction. Come on Luna girl, Mumma needs a little more sleep!
Returning to work may well have come just at the right time, and it will feel like a glorious holiday. A holiday where I will miss them profusely and talk about them to anyone who will listen, but a holiday for my body and my brain none the less!
Now the part of all this that I hadn’t even thought about at all, was how excited the girls, especially Aurora, would be when I got home from work on each of those two nights. Wow. It was almost euphoric. The feeling of someone being that excited to see you, running up to you and giving you the biggest cuddle, that really does make it all worthwhile. I’m not entirely sure why Luke doesn’t greet me like that…
So that might have taken the top spot in the chart of ‘Happy Feelings’ and when I’m feeling down, stressed, exhausted, frustrated, or anything in between, I’m just going to close my eyes and think of those home time cuddles.
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Awww this is so relatable Kerry! Work can feel like a holiday 😝 but it’s so nice to come back to so much love ♥️ Time goes so fast and they grow far too quickly. Loved this blog 😍👏