I don’t know what to do with myself. After weeks and weeks of Aurora taking 1.5-2 hours to go to bed, she has fallen asleep tonight at 6.58pm.
I had just put Luna down as well, so I ended up floating around the house, tidying here and there, with no particular plan, as this time feels so alien.
It has only been about 5 or 6 weeks since this was the norm, but it is funny how quickly a routine can be flipped on its’ head, and now I feel giddy with the promise of a full evening ahead of me!
I’m sure this is most likely a one off, and we will be back to the mayhem again tomorrow, so I am savouring every second!
This week has been really lovely. We met our NCT friends at The Toy Barn in Sherborne on Thursday and the girls played so nicely together. It will be incredible when Luna is old enough to properly join in with them as well, but she thoroughly enjoyed curling up in a ball on the trampoline while the girls jumped around her.
I had my weekly pub garden date with Hilary reinstated, after about 4 weeks off due to holidays and Glastonbury, so it was really nice to catch up, soak up the sunshine, and of course enjoy a nice cold cider. I love how completely comfortable I feel with her, and we really do unload all of our woes on to each other, it’s incredibly therapeutic.
I went back to Newbury at the weekend, with the girls, and we saw Lily, Tom and their 3 on Saturday afternoon. It was so lovely to see all of our children playing together, and I hope we can do it more and more, especially as Luna and Benny are getting older and more able to play.
Sunday, we went to see my friend Grace, who is due to have her baby ANY SECOND! I haven’t seen as much of her during her pregnancy as I would have liked, but it is difficult when I live so far away. Hopefully once the baby arrives, and she is enjoying her maternity leave, we can make lots of plans to see more of each other.
I think I have successfully lasted the entire week without shouting, or getting stressed, or crying. Now that deserves a round of applause.
After writing my list of stresses and ways to eliminate them, I honestly think it has made such a difference! I’m not getting so wound up by all the little things, that I then explode at the slightly bigger things. I’ve had more patience. I’ve used my words more carefully to explain if I’m feeling frustrated, or if Aurora is doing something that is just plain annoying. It’s had a positive effect on the girls too. I mean, they’ve definitely still been pushing our buttons and flying off the handle for no apparent reason, but if this can continue, and they can see me demonstrating the attitude that I would also like them to have, then we could be on to something. Fingers crossed.
On Tuesday Luke and I took the girls for our first swimming trip. It was amazing. The girls absolutely loved it. Aurora took a little while to warm up, but by the end she was shuffling around the entire edge of the pool holding on to the side, like she had done it tonnes of times. Baring in mind that on holiday she paddled a little in the baby pool, and successfully came in the big pool once, on the last day, for abut 15 minutes. Other than that, I used to take her for lessons every week, but stopped when I started working, when she was about 21 months.
Luna had hated the pool on holiday, I think it was too cold for her, so this really was her first proper experience, and she loved it. So much so that I had her laid back with her head lying on my shoulder and her legs out in front of her, and she almost drifted off to sleep! I also lay her down, so her ears went under the water, which I remember taking weeks and weeks of trying with Aurora, and she didn’t mind it after about 10 seconds. She seemed really serine and as though she was born to be in the water.
We were there for just over an hour. The getting ready before and after went smoothly and we are already looking forward to going again next week. We’re going to try and go at least every other week. It was great fun, a little exercise too, and we were back home by 10.45, so still had the whole day ahead of us really.
I had a bit of a realisation yesterday, that other than craving sleep, anything longer than 2 consecutive hours would be greatly appreciated, the main thing that I’m desperate for is an uninterrupted conversation.
If Luke and I attempt to talk while the girls around, we get at most 4 words in before we are interrupted.
When I see my mum friends, we have adapted a faster way of talking, but even so, conversations ultimately get cut short, lost track of, or disrupted for the inevitable toddler toilet trip.
At work, numerous conversations are started, but of course we are serving customers, so not many of those are ever completed.
It all just feels so incomplete. This may be another reason why I treasure my Thursday afternoon therapy/pub garden sessions with Hilary, we only have our two smallest ones there. Hers is 5 months old and therefore stays (almost) in the exact spot she is placed in. Luna on the other hand is an avid explorer, like her sister, so keeps me on my toes. But still, there are no tantrums, no endless reasoning, no real distractions from the matter at hand – talk until we are done talking.
The move back to breastfeeding has been a game changer. I had really started to think that Luna might have hated me. The love has now returned, and everyone is much happier. I don't know if this is the reason, or because she is now almost over her cold, but her sleep has definitely improved, and getting her to nap has been as easy as it always used to be.
Luke and I have booked in a date night for July and August and will continue to plan one for every month. I’m so excited already. This week we will be celebrating our first wedding anniversary, as well as 11 years together. I can’t believe how quickly that year has gone. What a whirlwind. Although looking back at the girls on that day, they seem so young compared to now. It’s crazy how much they can grow up in just one year. Luna was only 12 weeks old. Now she is a walking, talking (gibberish) sass machine.
My brother Daniel bought me a book for Christmas called ‘The 6-minute Diary’, which in essence is a diary you write in twice a day, 3 minutes in the morning, and 3 minutes at night. It is encouraging positive mental health, a strong daily routine, gratitude, reflection, and everything in between. It’s a 6-month long diary and I completed it last night.
In the morning you write down
· 3 things you are grateful for…
· How you can make today great…
· Positive affirmation…
In the evening you write down
· Your good deed of the day…
· How you could improve…
· 3 great things you experienced today…
It then has weekly reflections, monthly synopsis and questions, and tonnes of material in there to help you feel positive and uplifted.
Last night I was telling Luke all about it, and how I thought that starting it while being overly stressed by two toddlers, was probably not the best time to complete it. I felt, looking back, that I had struggled to think of the positive things, and had been overwhelmed by how down and negative I had felt. I know that my brother had completed this book himself previously, and then carried on in a notebook, once he had finished, as he had enjoyed it so much. My parting words to Luke were that I wasn’t going to continue, but maybe once the girls were a little older, and I didn’t feel quite so consumed by Motherhood, I would pick it back up again.
But this morning, I read to the end of the book, and it suggested I went back to the start, and skimmed through the weekly reflections, and in doing so I saw that even when I had been feeling stressed, or fed up, I had always found the positives to write about. I felt impressed by myself. There was always an uplifting spin, or an inspiring outlook.
I found the gratitude part awkward, and the positive affirmation a little unnecessary, but reading back through my pages it was clear to see the things that matter to me. It’s quite simple really, my family, my friends, coffee, and sunshine! Repeated over and over.
I think I will still take a break from the diary for now, one less plate to be spinning in this circus. But I will definitely do it again in the future, and I would recommend it to everyone else. Even if it is just for the reflection at the end! I’m also really impressed that I managed to complete it every day.
In talking with Grace this week, I have realised that I really want to get back in to sewing. I haven’t done any since Aurora was about 6 months old. Largely because having all the fabric, pins, cutters, and iron out with a baby around is pretty hazardous. I got as far as cutting out the squares of fabric to make Aurora a quilt, and that is the condition the quilt then stayed in. I’m determined to get back into it, and make one for Luna as well. Once I get going with a quilt, it never used to take me too long. I appreciate it WILL take longer now, because my windows of time to do it will be smaller, but it’s something I really enjoy doing, and absolutely love seeing the finished article. Plus, I’ve made so many for friends and family, and have never had the pleasure of enjoying one for myself. So, this is my pledge that I am making. By the end of 2023, I will have completed AT LEAST 2 quilts, one for each of my girls, and hopefully a few more projects along the way.
I had thought about making bunting with Aurora one week (or over a number of weeks, as I’m sure her attention span is not quite as long as mine) during our Mummy and Aurora time. We’ve both been thoroughly enjoying them so far, and as we both love crafts, I think it will be a good choice. Plus, we can then hang it up in our garden, and feel proud and sentimental every time we look at it.
Last night for the first time in FOREVER, Luna slept from 10.30pm – 4.45am without waking. This could have been the big chunk of unbroken sleep that I needed to reset my exhaustion and build up some much-needed energy. But of course, on this one night, out of all the nights it could have been, Aurora woke at 3am complaining that her tummy and her mouth hurt (?!) and so I was therefore awake for an hour, worried about her, rubbing her tummy, and concerned she was going to be sick. She was fine when she woke up but did then say it hurt again just before she went to bed tonight. Who knows?!
I still can’t believe that both the girls were asleep so early tonight.
I’ve been writing for over an hour and still have a good portion of my evening left, so I’m going to pop the kettle on, grab a couple of biscuits, and watch This Is Us. Goodnight.
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