The past week has been a mixed bag. The bedtime chart is still working well in terms of getting Aurora to do all of the steps on there before bed… but getting to sleep is still the biggest challenge.
She simply does not want us to leave her room, not even for a second. There is absolutely no reasoning with her. If we only had Aurora then I would probably chance coming downstairs and away from her a little more, but she calls for us from her doorway until we return, which inevitably wakes Luna up, and so I have to start the entire process again, usually then snapping at Aurora.
The nights when Luke and I have both been here, we can at least tag team, but even he is getting frustrated with her now, and losing his temper a little, so I know that it’s not just me!
I’m starting to accept that we may just have to stay in her room until she goes to sleep, for the foreseeable. It saves a lot of the heartache and headaches, if only she would just snuggle down and go to sleep when we’re in there! Instead, she seems to get a new burst of energy, just as mine is lacking the most, and wants to turn her bed in to a pirate ship, as well as getting distracted by every single item in her room.
The idea of an empty white box bedroom has never seemed more appealing.
All in all, though, I would say that we have made some positive steps forward, and Luke coming home at least one evening a week is helping hugely – even if it’s just my stress levels, and not whether Aurora goes to bed or not. It’s greatly appreciated!
Luna has been really unsettled during the evenings and night times. She had got to a good point where she would sleep all evening, waking for her first feed around 11.30, and then once, maybe twice more through the night.
Now, she is waking every hour through the evening, sometimes more, and then constantly through the night. The last few nights I have thrown in the towel by 10-10.30pm and simply gone to bed so I can have her in there with me. She sleeps a little better that way, I do not.
The lack of sleep, and subsequently broken sleep when I do manage to get some, is taking its toll. I’m sure that is why my patience is low, my stress and emotional levels are high, and clearly, I am run down, as now, for the first time in over a year, I have a horrific cold. Luna has caught it too and it’s hit us both pretty hard! I haven’t had one (since doing my cold showers!) since I’ve had two children to care for, and it’s brutal! I know that spending half a day, or even an entire day, curled up on the sofa, slipping in and out of sleep, drinking tea and watching Netflix would make me feel 100 times better, but that’s laughable. In reality, I’m having to deal with all the tantrums the girls can throw at me, which seem more than usual because a) Luna is poorly, so uncharacteristically unhappy and b) Aurora is craving attention and I physically do not feel up to it as much as usual.
Along with Luna’s unsettled sleep, she is still coping with these 5 teeth coming through, 4 of which are molars… Shoot me.
Please hurry up teeth! Two are fully through, so I really hope the others won’t take too long to follow!
Since being home from holiday, for the past 3 weeks, I have been weaning her off of breast feeding trough the day, and just feeding her to sleep at bedtime, and then through the night if she wakes.
Nap times have been atrocious. For Luke and my mum, she is happy to be rocked to sleep. For me, it’s as if I’m trying to dip her in to a tank of Piranhas! She is screaming her head off, to the point of near panic attack, and squirming away from me with such force that I physically cannot hold her through it.
It is absolutely not the calm and tranquil environment a nap should be!
I had already been toying with the idea of cutting out breast feeding altogether, in hope that it would improve bedtime and her night waking's, but I made the executive decision today, whilst I cried alongside her, in my vein attempt to get her to sleep, that I don’t think the time is quite right to be weaning off of the feeding.
She’s poorly, teething, hot and bothered, and it’s stressing me out too… So, decision made, we will try again in a few weeks’ time, when things have settled down a little more.
It does mean that I’m tied to her for a little longer, but she is my last baby, and once I stop, I stop forever. I feel as though she is giving me all the signs that neither of us are quite ready.
She also doesn’t feed for the food necessarily. She gets plenty of actual food during the day, it is 100% for comfort, but do I not want to be able to comfort my little baby when she needs it?! I’m sure if I stopped it would improve the night times, but I’m going to postpone, and see how it goes. If the night times stay the same, or God forbid, worsen, then I will act accordingly. But this seems like the right move for us both today.
I’ve written a list today, of everything that is stressing me out in my life, however big or small – and most are small! I have then written what actions I can take to eliminate these stresses. Some I have already achieved, some I have made steps towards, and some are pending.
After speaking to my friend Nikki, the other week, after one of my blog posts, she highly recommended getting a cleaner to eliminate that stress, and I couldn’t agree more! Today I have reached out and got some local recommendations and I already feel a little more relaxed thinking about crossing some of those jobs off of my list. It takes away from my time with the girls, and they are never ‘content’ while I nip off to clean the bathroom or throw a duster around. I think it is a logical step!
My new work schedule is definitely making a difference, and I love getting every Tuesday with Luke and the girls. We’re only two weeks in, but already I feel as though we have had so much more time together. Just a shame that this week I felt so lousy. We didn’t really get any evening time together, once the girls were down, as Aurora took until gone 9pm each of those evenings, and Monday I was asleep on the sofa shortly after that, until Luna woke and I just went to bed, feeling utterly sorry for myself!
Aurora and I had some more one-to-one time together on Tuesday, this time I took her to the coffee shop and we had a full hour to ourselves. She really is my little bestie. I love these times we are having together, and I really hope it is going to start making a big difference!
In talking to my friend Vanessa today, who always seems to have a sixth sense about when I need someone to talk to, I fully appreciate that I am totally not alone in everything that I am experiencing.
It can feel so incredibly lonely, especially being far away from friends and family. Even my ‘local’ friends, are a minimum of 20 mins away! But we are all in this together. No one warns you just how tough it can be, and I think if they were totally honest, fewer people would have children! But the joyful times are there, and I know that they will increase as the months and years go by. These times are particularly tough, but man I’ll be tougher by the end of it!
As unreasonable and infuriating as the girls can be, they will be incredibly strong, independent women. And as impossible and difficult as some of these days may seem, I will look back with fond memories, remembering all the little moments, the ultra-sloppy kisses, the out of the blue ‘I love you’s’, the cuddles, the giggles, the weirdness, the sisterly bond growing, the silliness. It’s why I take so many photos and videos when I can. The little moments.
Aurora successfully did 2 buttons up today, and I felt pure pride.
Luna is so chuffed that she can blow kisses, that she attempted to do it the entire way through me trying to feed her to sleep, and then kept breaking off to give me 5 big ones. She was so proud of herself. It melted my heart.
The tough days are tough, there’s no denying it. But I need to embrace and appreciate those little sparkling moments more. Because they are utter gold.
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