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kerrythorne

I Officially No Longer Have Babies

Updated: May 4, 2023

What a soggy turn the weather has taken. I feel as though I should apologise for that, it is entirely my fault that we went from having beautiful sunshine and blue skies, the promise of Summer approaching, to torrential rain and gale force winds… I packed my winter wardrobe away. I got a little over excited and started getting my holiday clothes out from their hibernation. I take full responsibility and all I can do is apologise.


All in all, we have had a lovely week. While the sun was here, it was glorious. We were playing in the garden, and going out for walks and bike rides, it really did feel as though Summer was on it’s way. Saturday, my mum came down from Newbury, and we went for a lovely walk along a trailway and had lunch. Aurora rode her bike, Luna napped in the pram, and we talked and talked the entire time. Moments like those are my favourite.


In contrast, Friday HAD been going well. The girls and I had been playing in the garden, soaking up the sun. I then thought it would be a good idea to go and get a ‘quick’ car wash, as I also needed to grab a few things from the shop, so could kill two birds with one stone.

Aurora had the BIGGEST meltdown because she didn’t want a car wash. We were already queuing by this point, and a car had joined behind, so regardless of whether I gave in to her or not… we were trapped. I honestly thought it would be a fun thing to go and do together. Imagining myself as a child, I would have LOVED it!

I felt very lucky for the fact that Luna was sat quite quietly, while Aurora was losing her mind. No amount of reasoning was making a blind bit of difference. I ended up staring out of the windscreen praying that the cars in front got the cheapest and fastest washes so that we could get through quickly. I then realised that silence had fallen over our car. Aurora had fallen asleep. Pure exhaustion from the meltdown. So, she missed the entire thing anyway. Probably a good thing.

Luna did not enjoy it, so I clambered in to the back seat to reassure her. She seemed to enjoy it then.

I then needed to go in to the shop, so woke Aurora up, and she almost continued the screaming and crying as if she had simply ‘powered down’ for 20 minutes. The demand this time was an ice cream.

She whinged the entire way around the shop that she wanted to go home. I bought her an ice cream, as I really couldn’t deal with the hassle of not (plus I wanted one too…) I then wouldn’t let her eat it in the car, as I didn’t fancy having melted chocolate everywhere, cue another meltdown. She then cried the whole way home that she DIDN’T want to go home.

Where the hell do you want to go then child?! WHERE!?

How utterly stupid and unrealistic of me to attempt such a complex task. The car will not be getting cleaned now for approximately 16 years. Thank you.


We have now officially moved Luna up into Aurora’s forward facing car seat, and Aurora has a more grown up one, that we were given by a family friend. It is so strange turning around from the drivers seat and seeing TWO faces looking back at me! Aurora is being so sweet to Luna; I love the commentary between them. (Obviously most of it is Aurora, but Luna likes to give a little ‘yeah’ after anything she says) She was being supportive when Luna started to get a bit upset ‘Don’t worry Luna, I’m right here, look, you can see me!’ So sweet.


I have been on a BIG spring clean and sort out. We have had boxes of ‘stuff’ in our bedroom for months. I had put it all on Vinted and was selling little bits here and there, but decided that I would rather bag it all up and pop it in the charity bins, and then have that space cleared. It felt incredibly cleansing. Some of our baby clothes are going to my brother’s new baby, and other bits to different friends. I bought 4 under bed storage bags which have changed my life and if that doesn’t scream ‘I’m in my mid-thirties’ then I don’t know what does!


We had a wonderful family day all together yesterday, for the first time in a month, so it was nice to have a wonder around the garden centre, have some coffee and cake, and then spend the rest of the day at home, enjoying being united.

Easter Sunday was my first Sunday where I didn’t feel stressed at all, in such a long time. Probably for the whole of this year. Bath and bed time went smoothly, for once, and there were no raised voices.

I didn't plan anything for Easter, I feel like it has gone a little over-the-top! Yet another occasion that is plastered all over Instagram, making everyone feel as though they need to subscribe. One thing that toddlers do not need, is a lot of chocolate! It would send Aurora mental (and did last year, but we can forgive her as it was the day she met her baby sister for the first time as well) Maybe if I lived near family, we would have done an egg hunt. Possibly. But I don't. I don't think I want to big it up too much to them, it can all get a little overwhelming, and there are enough occasions in the year as it is!

Anyway, since then, I feel like Aurora has been extra lovely. She really is such a funny girl. I don’t know where she could possibly get that from… The things she comes out with are brilliant. She always pretends that she is a puppy – but she has to turn herself into it first, with her imaginary wand – obviously. When she IS puppy, she will answer all questions with ‘Woof’ at the end, honestly her commitment to the process really needs championing!

‘Aurora, would you like a drink?’

‘Yes, woof’


I’m really trying to get some one-on-one time with her each day, where she has my undivided attention, even just for 10 minutes, but I obviously try for longer. When Luna naps well, and we are all already dressed and ready, it’s easier. I can feel Luna shifting in to a one nap a day gal, which is fine, but the transition is always a little all over the place. She also has another couple of teeth coming so I think that is disturbing her more than usual.

Luna is making such good steps (pardon the pun) with her walking. Really gaining confidence every day, and is taking 10-12 steps in a row sometimes, so I know that in the blink of an eye she will be running around, just like Aurora, and I will be left in a dizzy heap, not able to keep up with either.


It’s a tough time, in a way, as I feel as though we are congratulating Luna about so many things, and making a fuss, as is completely natural. So I am trying to balance it out and congratulate Aurora on things that she can do, and also when Luna does something that gets a positive reaction, I’m praising Aurora for teaching her that particular skill. I do think it is working, as Aurora seems genuinely excited for Luna, and even when I’m not in the room, I’ll hear her say things like ‘Good standing Luna’, which is lovely to witness.


I’m so excited to see their relationship grow. Luna finds Aurora hilarious. Aurora struggles with the ‘sharing’ aspect sometimes, but who wouldn’t!? She is definitely getting better at ‘using her words’ but there is still the occasionally head butt. I really hope this is not her signature move.



Highlights of the week


Receiving my letter from work, detailing my promotion.


The sunshine. I don’t want to rely on it that much, to influence my happiness, but it does, and it always will.


Making moves to start ticking off jobs on our ‘home decorating’ list. Job number one, take down the ratty net curtain from our hall window and install a geometric vinyl instead. Completed, and it looks fab, I can’t stop staring at it. Weirdly I feel as though it is letting in a lot more light, but it is a lot more private than before, and is a statement in itself. Beautiful.


The girls moving in to their bigger car seats. I officially no longer have babies. Especially not after this Sunday… Luna will be 1. Wow. How did that happen? Where did that go? I don’t have a lockdown to blame this time, like I did with Aurora’s first year. That was completely swallowed up by all of that. But not with Luna.

I guess I have been working, which I didn’t really do with Aurora. Plus, there’s 2 of them, so you don’t get as many of the ‘slower’ moments, that you can with your first. Two children is a whirlwind and I cannot begin to imagine what it is like having any more. Nope.


It’s funny that before you have children, no one can fully prepare you. It’s only once your baby is here, that you get it. Then you wish you could go back and tell your pre-parent self, to appreciate the little things; the lie-in’s, the late nights, the ability to be spontaneous, the ease in which you can ‘pop’ anywhere – you cannot simple ‘pop’ to the shop once you have a baby. It could take over half an hour getting everything ready, and even then, all it takes is a projectile vomit, or a ‘shit-uation’ to scupper the plans entirely.


Then, when you have two children, my god. How easy does one seem? Only one child to get dressed, or get in the car, or negotiate with. If that one child is asleep, that’s all you need to worry about. But with two… you have two grenades, a constant threat that one could go off, potentially setting the other off as well. They can go in opposite directions. They can conspire. They can gang up. There’s more of them, than there are of you.



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