I’ve had a bit of a mixed bag this week, but definitely ending in a much more positive place than I started. The weekend in particular was interesting.
We didn’t do much at the end of last week and the weekend and I think that may have been part of the issue.
Aurora was back to Pre School and was really happy to go each day. In fact, on Sunday, she had a massive tantrum for 10-15 minutes because I wouldn’t let her go to Pre School. It didn’t matter how many times I explained that it was Sunday, none of the children or teachers would be there, and so if she went, she would be very lonely as it was closed. She was adamant and demanded that we went and checked. We of course did not, but that just gives you a brief insight into her mood all weekend.
Everything was a drama. She asked for Cheerio’s for breakfast on Saturday morning, I poured them in to her bowl, and before I could turn around and put the jar back on the shelf, she had screamed that she wanted milk on them, and pushed the bowl which had skidded across the table, reached the edge and then fallen upside down on to the floor. Cue even more screaming. It was 7.05am. Help me.
But I could tell that there was something else. She isn’t like this for no reason, so I didn’t react. I stood on the other side of the room looking at her. And sure enough, under a minute later she was climbing down from her chair and running to me for a cuddle. I see so much of myself in her, and I’m sure that she has inherited a lot of my fire, but also learnt behaviours from me. She reacted to her Cheerio’s the way I react to her sometimes. I mean, I don’t push her, but metaphorically speaking.
But just because I handled that situation relatively well, does not mean that the rest of the day continued in that fashion. We had some beautiful moments, and Aurora asked if she could do some painting while Luna napped. So, I got her easel out and she painted away in the garden. Luna then woke up and joined in. I was silently repeating to myself to not worry about the mess as I know that I can spiral when the girls don’t craft properly – to my standard. I have to remind myself that they are 3 and 1. I just sat back and watched them investigate. Luna did try and continuously eat the paint brushes, whether they had paint on or not… Aurora went off-piste and started painting stones from the gravel, it was just a lovely section to the day, finished off with us all enjoying an ice cream each.
I can’t completely remember how the rest of the day panned out, but I know by bath and bedtime I was DONE. I was in full anger mode and could not deal with them anymore. Whilst trying to read their bedtime stories, they were bickering in the bed because Luna’s head was too far over on the pillow, or Aurora’s leg was on top of Luna’s, I just started weeping as I was reading. It was like a switch had flipped in them both, and actually I’m taking it as a really good sign that they are both incredibly empathetic, or at least will be as they get older, because straight away, before any tears had even fallen, my voice just cracked, and Aurora stopped and asked if I was starting to cry.
I continued to read a few more sentences, but then had to stop and let the tears flow. Aurora immediately cuddled me and kept asking ‘What’s the matter Mummy’ and Luna looked at me with her puppy dog eyes as I have now realised that if she ever sees anyone crying, she cries too. They both comforted me, and genuinely wanted to know what was wrong and how to fix it. I explained that I find it really hard on the nights when Daddy works, and that I need to work on not getting so frustrated. It’s obviously a huge mountain to climb though as I have been saying this for at least 9 months…
Sunday was much the same, we had had plans to have our friends come and stay, but they had had to postpone last minute, so I felt a little lost and didn’t make any effort to do anything instead. Luke had booked the day off, but because our plans were cancelled, he worked instead.
Again, I can’t remember any specifics, other than the fact that we didn’t go anywhere so spent the whole day at home, and the weather wasn’t as nice as the day before. By dinner time, I had turned in to the horrible shouty Sunday Monster Mummy. She hasn’t been out in full force for quite a while, but this weekend she definitely was. Luke had said that he would try to leave work at 5pm, so from the second the clock struck 5, I was holding my breath for him to get home. Obviously, he didn’t leave work then, but by about 5.20 he text saying he was leaving. Within the next 20 minutes, I had lost whatever patience I had had left and just sat crying while the girls ate their dinner. Miraculously they quietened down 30 seconds before Luke walked through the door, so I’m sure I then looked insane, crying uncontrollably while these two angelic girls sat silently eating their dinner. But the floodgates had opened, and as soon as Luke gave me a comforting cuddle, I couldn’t stop the tears. As I’ve said before, I don’t cry that much, which is strange because I am very emotional. I’ve just finished watching This Is Us and my GOD some of those episodes had me balling. But in terms of my home life, I simply don’t cry that much. When it comes to the girls, I think any emotion that I have, gets turned in to anger and frustration instead of sadness. That comes much later and usually as a consequence of me losing my cool. I need to work on that.
Luke then offered to do the girls bath and bedtime on his own, so I could stay downstairs and have some time to myself. I suddenly had an overwhelming realisation that I have done almost every bedtime for their entire lives. Other than the odd few when I have been at a wedding, or when Aurora has stayed at my mums a few times, but other than those few occasions, I’ve still done about 1,400 bedtimes. And approximately 800 of those on my own. Wow.
It was ground-breaking. I sat on the sofa with a gin and tonic in hand, reading my book. Even though I could hear everything going on upstairs, and Aurora definitely messed around a little more because it was a different routine, plus she can usually get away with a bit more when Daddy is there, but eventually she fell asleep. Luna was being a little more difficult, so I did end up going into her, but she immediately gave me a big cuddle, said ‘Mama’, led down and I stroked her back for a minute or two until she was asleep.
I had had time to decompress, and I think we were all better for it.
I spoke to my lovely sister-in-law, Hannah, about it all. She is so wonderful to talk to and had some really great advice. She sent me this picture of the Anger Iceberg and I don’t think I have ever related to something so much before. It completely summed up how I feel at times. It also is an interesting insight into how Aurora is most likely feeling when she gets frustrated as well. I shall definitely be referring back to it over and over again.
Since then, we’ve had a really good week. I worked on Monday which is always a nice escape after what is almost always a full-on weekend with both girls on my own.
Tuesday, we had our one family day all together. We were proactive and got up and out early, by 11.30 we were heading back home, and I felt as though we had achieved a lot already. The weather was appalling all afternoon, the heaviest rain I had seen in a long time. I had suggested to Luke in the morning that other than using our phones to take photos and play music, we should try and go the whole day without using them. Luke and Aurora made some courgette cakes, so he did use mine to get a recipe, and at one stage I had a message come through and did get sucked in to reading the first few lines, but other than that, we successfully stayed off them all day, and I could honestly feel a physical benefit from it.
My head felt lighter, I felt more connected to the day and experiences we were having, and I think we should make this a habit every Tuesday. I’m also going to make a conscious effort on the other days too, as it is usually picked up purely through habit and boredom.
The same goes for the TV. On the days we are home, it is almost always on. I’ve made a conscious effort to vet the programmes that Aurora watches as she had found some pretty peculiar things on Netflix, so now it is just a case of the quantity, since the quality has been tackled.
For our ‘After-dinner walk’ on Tuesday, I had had the idea that we all put on our wellies and coats and go puddle jumping. I am usually the first one to avoid going outdoors in anything other than sunshine. I am very much a fair-weather walker. I don’t even like walking from the front door to my car if it is raining. No thank you. But the rain had stopped, and I thought the girls would love it. One way to inject even more fun into our daily excursion.
So, the girls finished their dinner, we all climbed into our respective wellies, and off we went. I had thought there would be some immediately outside our garden gate, and we therefore wouldn’t need to go too far. But no, there were none there. We walked on, going down to a part of the estate that had had lots of puddles a week or so ago, as the girls had been jumping in them back before Luna had had any wellies. But again, no puddles there. We continued on, getting further and further away from home, in fact further than I have ever ventured on an after-dinner walk, right down past the bike ramps and onto the path that leads to the blackberries Luke and Aurora have picked many times through the summer.
We found one puddle. ONE. It had rained all afternoon, the heaviest rain I have seen in weeks, and there was one puddle. It was the most pathetic excuse for a puddle jumping trip and I was embarrassed I had even suggested it. I shan’t be offering that idea up again any time soon.
Once the girls were in bed, I had received my first week’s delivery from Hello Fresh, so I treated Luke to dinner and made him Herb Crusted Salmon, with Creamy Dauphinoise Potatoes, Tenderstem Broccoli and Mange Tout, followed by Salted Caramel and Hazelnut Chocolate Pot Dessert.
It. Was. Delicious.
I felt absolutely stuffed and it was pretty rich, especially the dessert, but what a dish to add to my repertoire. It’s the main reason I wanted to give it a go. I was getting a little bored with the 5-10 dishes I repeated each week, as well as wanting to broaden the girls tastes slightly too. I amended the chosen recipes to ones I think they will enjoy first, before going to crazy. Ease them in gently.
Tonight, I cooked Burrata, Serrano and Pesto Linguini with Roasted Tomatoes and Rocket.
I served theirs slightly more deconstructed than mine but was still met with tears and cries of ‘I don’t like thaaaaaaaaat’. I explained it all piece by piece to Aurora and gave her her ‘No thank you bowl’ so if she tried something and didn’t like it, she could put it in there. I’ve done this for a while now and it has definitely helped. She also knows that she can’t say she doesn’t like something without trying it, so is very good at taking at least one bite of it first, even if she then dramatically spits it out into the bowl afterwards.
Both girls were losing their minds at how I had had the audacity to serve them a delicious meal, after slaving away for over 30 minutes, but I managed to stay calm, enjoy my dinner, and try to continue having a conversation with Aurora about her day at Pre School.
After 5 or 10 minutes I realised that they were both a lot quieter, there were no more tears, or complaints, and they were both happily tucking into their meals. Aurora even told me it was ‘Sooo yummy!’ WIN!
The good thing about having these deliveries is that I can at least show Aurora a photo of the meal beforehand from the recipe card, so I shall try that tomorrow and see if that makes any difference to the speed of her acceptance. It’s risotto, so we shall see how we get on.
I read something the other day from a parent who said that if their children didn’t like what they served for dinner, they got a peanut butter and jam sandwich (they were American) and that that had taken away so much of their dinner time stress. I am assuming the children were probably quite a bit older than 1 and 3, but still, having one alternative, that is quick and easy to make should anyone not like their dinner is a good tip, I think.
I’m feeling positive about this week. I’m determined not to shout or cry. I am going to try and deal with stressful situations in a better way, and potentially ask Luke to do one night of bath and bed on his own again. He did say we could make it a more regular thing. Maybe I could finally look in to doing a yoga class and time it for then, so I’m not missing any of our evening together, but can escape the house at one of the most intense times of day.
#motherhood #mum #mom #mummy #motherofdaughters #family #raisingchildren #children #daughters #kids #babies #baby #child #kid #drama #dramatic #hints #tips #recommendation #familytime #friends #soulfood #positive #positivemind #postivementalattitude #positiveattitude #thinkpositively #goodvibes #talking #talkthingsthrough #blog #mummyblog #motherhoodblog
Comments