We enjoyed lots of pancakes on Tuesday, topped with lemon and sugar of course – the only way in my opinion! I have decided that for Lent this year (I’m not religious at all, but always give something up for Lent) I am going to give up… shouting. Wish me luck!! To be fair, we are already on day 2 and still going strong. Come on!!
Even if I don’t necessarily ‘stop’ shouting, I’m hoping that the thought will constantly be in my brain, so I will try to take a second, breathe, and react in a calmer way. As I have said before, I can think rationally when I am removed from a situation, for instance if Luke is with Aurora and she loses her mind about something, then I feel a lot more able to tap in and take over if needed, whereas if I’m in the eye of the storm I find it a lot harder to deal with.
I don’t shout all the time. I don’t even shout some of the time. There are just occasional moments, and I would like to take that down to zero.
From talking to my other NCT mum friends, it does seem as though they are all (well, all the girls for sure) are going through the same thing at the moment. Massive meltdowns, one after another, or sometimes even one on top of another. For what appears to be absolutely no reason at all.
There obviously is a reason, to all of it and I really am interested to know more. I understand that this is such a tricky time for a toddler, especially if they have a little sibling. They are being told that they are ‘big’, or ‘grown up’, and they need to suddenly share their toys, something that they have never had to do until now. They need to be more responsible because their sibling is learning from them. They can’t be unkind, they can’t get frustrated, they must play nicely – when in reality, there are STILL times that I don’t particularly want to converse with certain people, or I get frustrated at someone, and I am allowed to react however I want and need to. With no one telling me otherwise. So I do get that we are quite unfair to expect perfection from our little babies at all times. Who are, after all, only 3.
I think because they can suddenly communicate so well and seem to understand almost everything we say to them, as well as articulate things that they want to say, they seem so grown up! I often feel as though Aurora is another adult in the house with me. Yet her brain is nowhere near there yet. They lull you in to a false sense of security and I have to constantly remind myself that she is still so brand new to all of this!
So they are told that they are ‘big girls’ now (although I never actually say this to Aurora, but I’m assuming that at Pre School they say it, and well… so does Peppa Pig) yet they are not allowed to do any grown up things. It must be such a confusing and frustrating stage to be in. I try to give her choices everywhere I can, as I have read that this can benefit. I hope that in doing this I am helping her feel independent and more mature, but I could also be creating a monster as well as a rod for my own back! For instance, I give her the option of picking her spoon every morning for breakfast and this has now turned in to one of the most dramatic scenes of the day. Heaven forbid that the spoon she wants (it changes daily) needs washing, or in some cases – just doesn’t exist. True story.
She never seems fussed about what she wears, so I don’t tend to give her the option to choose that. She always seems happy with what I pick out. But in most other areas I let her choose where appropriate. Trainers or boots? Coat or no coat? Play upstairs or downstairs? Get dressed first, or brush teeth?
Every time I meet someone who has children, if their kids are older than mine, I ask the same question ‘Does it get easier?’ So far, I’ve had a unanimous ‘NO’. I’m just hoping that although it may not get easier necessarily, it will hopefully not get too much harder!? I’m guessing that the struggles will just be different at each new stage we get to. Also, most of the difficulties are most likely going to be with the older child, as you’re all experiencing it for the first time with them. Then by the time the second child gets to that stage, you’ll hopefully have a little knowledge and wisdom to put in to practice.
Maybe this is just wishful thinking, but that is what I’m going to continue to hope for.
I just wish that Luke could be home in the evenings. The dinners together, the baths, the bedtime stories. On the 2 or 3 nights a week that he is here for them, it’s so lovely. Even if it’s slightly more chaotic because everyone is excited that Daddy is here. That, and I do leave him to do the bath on his own with the girls on those nights, firstly, because I do the other nights, and secondly, because then I can run around like a crazy person trying to get clothes put away, change the bedding, and any other jobs that I can’t get done during the week because I am constantly covered in children.
If he was home every night, the excitement wouldn’t seem quite as chaotic, and the ability to be able to tag-team would make everything a lot more manageable. I just don’t have enough pairs of hands on my own.
I love that the girls can bath together, and they have really started interacting so nicely now. Luna finds Aurora absolutely hilarious and Aurora loves making her laugh. Those moments are magical. But bathing two unpredictable children on your own is like juggling live grenades. One rogue splash, one bucket of water poured over the side of the bath, one toy wanted by both parties, and the whole thing can turn to carnage. I feel like I am fizzing with nervous energy every time, because I am waiting for someone’s switch to flip!
Last night it was Luna, for a change. She was fine one minute, and the next she was screaming uncontrollably. So, I whipped her out, wrapped her in a towel and put her straight on the boob – she then started to close her eyes. She had had a late morning nap, and consequently not had a second one. A split-second choice needs to be made. If she falls asleep, I am not getting her nappy, vest, sleepsuit and sleeping bag on her… so I needed to stop feeding, carry out the pyjama saga, which involves way more crying and screaming, to the point where she was almost hyperventilating, and then back to the milk. She was asleep within seconds. Just imagine being that enraged about how tired you felt. Furious, and then seconds later, sleeping soundly.
These babies are bizarre.
I think there must be something bubbling under the surface at the moment though, as she woke every hour last night and by 3am, she came in to our bed, drifting in and out of sleep, feeding as and when she pleased, and I in turn then slept like a contortionist, wrapped around her in the most uncomfortable position, to ensure that she could get milk when she needed, but also wouldn’t fall out. The lengths we go to!
Highlights of the week this week;
Going to stay with our wonderful friends, Jo and Miles, at their house in Kent. We met them skiing 6 years ago, and despite the fact that we are only a little older than their children, they are 2 of our favourite people. We don’t get to see each other as much as we would like to because life is busy and we now live 2.5 hours away from each other, but every time we do, it’s as though no time has passed.
Luna turned 10 months. What an absolute babe she is becoming. Cruising all the furniture, eating anything we put in front of her, and giggling and smiling at every opportunity.
I got my keyboard, flute, recorder and all my music from my mum this week. Aurora is due to learn about musical instruments at Pre School this term, so they have asked that if any parents play, to get the toddlers involved. Luke’s mum bought his guitar back too. I achieved Grade 8 on piano and Grade 7 on flute, but have not really played either in about 15-20 years… I picked up the flute, and couldn’t really remember how to play it, but started reading some music and suddenly something clicked inside, and it all came flooding back. Aurora has taken a firm liking to the recorder, and so far, has been playing it at an acceptable volume, and even trying to do some of the notes. I’m determined to teach her how to play it before she starts Primary School. I really hope both the girls are musical in some way, as Luke and I both were.
Aurora wrote her name. I wrote a birthday card for my grandad, and with only verbal instructions, she wrote her name. I can’t quite get over it and I could not be more proud. Cambridge, here we come!
I took the girls to Sherborne Castle Garden Centre, we had a lovely wonder round (although I had kind of forgotten that things don’t really grow in the winter… so it wasn’t actually as exciting or as successful as I was hoping) We then had a nice coffee (and a glass of milk) in the Café. The sun was shining, my girls were happy, and I drank a FULL cup of hot coffee. Now that is a big win, if you ask me!
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